perfect poaching

if, like me, you've never wondered
about the best method of poaching an egg
this article is still funny and interesting

"You're supposed to be here to protect me."

a 911 call transcript

Dispatcher: Sheriff's Department. How can I help you?

Caller: Yeah, I'm over here at the Burger King drive-through in Laguna Niguel, I think.

Dispatcher: Uh-huh.

Caller: I asked them four different times to make me a Western Barbecue Burger. OK, they keep giving me a hamburger with lettuce, tomato, and cheese, onions, and I said I'm not leaving. I want a Western Burger because I just got my kids from tae kwon do, they're hungry, I'm on my way home, and I live in San Clemente.

Dispatcher: Uh-huh.

Caller: OK, she gave me another hamburger. It's wrong. I said I want my hamburger right. So then the mana-ger -- she came up and said, um, "Did you want your money back?" And I said no. I want my hamburger. My kids are hungry, and I have to jump on the freeway. I said, I am not leaving this spot, and I said, I will call the police, because I want my Western Burger done right. Now, is that so hard?

Dispatcher: Ma'am, we're not going to go down there and enforce your Western Bacon Cheeseburger.

Caller: What am I supposed to do?

Dispatcher: I suggest you get your money back and go somewhere else. This is not a criminal issue. We can't go out there and make them make you a cheese-burger the way you want it.

Caller: You're supposed to be here to protect me.

Dispatcher: Is this like... a harmful cheeseburger or something? I don't understand what you want us to do.

Caller: Just come down here. I'm not leaving.

Dispatcher: No, ma'am. I'm not sending the deputies down there over a cheeseburger. You need to go in there and act like an adult and either get your money back or go home.

Caller: She is not acting like an adult herself! I'm sitting here in my car; I just want them to make my kids a Western Burger.

Dispatcher: Ma'am, I suggest you get your money back from the manager and you go on your way home. OK? Bye-bye.

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